Suzanne Portnoy

I just got off the phone with a guy who called me ‘honey.’ We were having that slightly awkward first chat after I responded to an ad he placed on a swinging website looking for a partner.

‘You’re a talker,’ he said, after I launched into one of my monologues about me and what I was looking for.

‘You could say that,’ I replied, laughing.

‘Is that because you’re not interested in other people?’ he said.

God, that really threw me. I wasn’t used to a guy throwing me a confrontational question within the first 30 seconds of a first conversation.

‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s because usually I end up holding court because the other person has nothing to say.’

‘Well,’ he replied. ‘Maybe if you didn’t talk so much than you might find out they were more interesting than you imagined.’

‘Maybe that’s true,’ I said. ‘Over to you then.’

Silence.

‘Well, honey’ he said after what seemed like a 10 second pause, ‘Why don’t I tell you a bit about me and what I’m looking for and then you can tell me whether you think it’s worth us meeting.’

By this point I was trying to decide whether to hang up the phone or soldier on. I wasn’t sure I liked his arrogance. Then there was the ‘honey’ word. I couldn’t tell whether he was using it to be patronising or as a term of endearment. I suspected he didn’t care either way.

‘OK,’ I said, rather sheepishly.

‘Right,’ he said. ‘What I’m looking for is…..’

Then he proceeded to tell me how he liked to watch his partner having sex with other people and psychological role playing, about going to nude beaches and forests where I could show off in front of other men and taking me to clubs and parties. ‘Aside from that,’ he said. ‘I like deep kissing, the finer things in life, travelling, etc.’ He sounded like he had memorised his own personal’s ad, word for word. ‘How does that sound, honey’ he said.

I thought about it for a moment. I wasn’t sure how it sounded. On the one hand, I was beginning to like his dominant nature and it sounded as if he could teach me a few new tricks. That excited me especially the thought of playing mental games. On the other hand, there was the overuse of the word ‘honey.’ Already, after a 5 minute conversation it was beginning to irritate me. I’ve never really thought of myself as anyone’s honey. So, I said we should meet although I couldn’t think when and that I was unusually busy over the next few weeks. I figured it was a good get out clause if I needed one and gave me time to reflect on just how much ‘honey’ I could handle.