Suzanne Portnoy

I had a girlfriend who loaned me the book, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ hoping that I might learn a thing or two. I said, ‘Thank you,’ politely and then put it on the very tall pile of books that permanently resides on my bedside cabinet and left it there. In my view there are two types of women in the world - those that devour self-help books and those that can’t be bothered with them. For most of my life I’ve been happily living in the latter category, preferring to make up my own rules rather than pay 7.99 to read someone else’s. My girlfriend, or former girlfriend, has a stack of such books and from the little I know about her has not had a more successful dating life because she has read them all.

About a year ago, however, I was feeling pre-menstrual and probably a little sad and decided to pick up ‘Men are from Mars’ and flick through the pages. The only thing I remember and that has actually stuck with me from that quick jaunt through that insubstantial book was the 3 day rule….at least that’s where I think I read it. According to the author, very often after a man connects with a woman, he must hibernate in his cave for approximately 3 days to mill over what has happened.

This is often construed by the woman as being ignored but it shouldn’t be because usually after 3 days the man will make contact and reconnect with the woman. During this time, she should patiently wait for him to make contact and not attempt communication of any sort. Of course, this is problematic for women who really wants lots of communication with a man following connecting with him. Of all the crap I’ve ever read about the difference between men and women, this one aspect of masculine behaviour is the one that makes the most sense and is the most infuriating. It would be great if I could pretend that some guy I’ve just developed feelings for is sitting in his cave thinking about me, when the likelihood is he’s actually got food poisoning from all the alcohol we drank or the dodgy pizza we ate or even possibly having sex with someone he met the day after me.

The other problem with this rule is that I’m inpatient and easily bored and three days is exactly how long it takes my brain to shift from having deep feelings for someone to almost no feelings at all. If I meet a guy and I like him, I want to see and speak to him all the time. Three days feels like a lifetime. In fact, I am thinking of actively suggesting to men who aren’t particularly serious about me that they should consider ignoring me for the week following contact. That is all it takes for my brain to shift a guy from ‘man with potential to ‘occasional f*** buddy’ or friend, the only snag being that after 5 years one can end up with an awful lot of f*** buddies.