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2008
Can’t Live With You, Can’t Live Without You
One of the challenges of being a long-term single person is being with someone. Although I live with two kids, I actually haven’t spent a considerable period of time with a man for a couple of years. Many women operate a rotating boyfriend policy, whereby they swap one man for another, never allowing themselves the pleasure of knowing what it means to be truly alone and single. I have enjoyed the pleasure of many men but usually they’re in and out the door in a few hours. I don’t always like sleeping alone but I prefer it to being with a guy who snores, farts, simply takes up too much space or bores me. I’ve grown used to doing what I want when I want.
This weekend I met up with Daniel Natty Dresser. We had organised to hook up for the weekend and I found myself feeling both excited and nervous about seeing him again. Could I cope with 36 hours of being with someone? Would I want him to piss off after 3 or 4 hours together and, if so, how would I broach the subject? I needn’t have worried.
Sure, every once in a while some part of my brain would have a mini freak out wondering why he was still around. I could hear it say on Saturday evening, “Shouldn’t he be going home by now? Are you really going to spend tomorrow with this guy as well?! You’ve had sex, done some shopping, had a couple of meals out. Enough already.”
At such moments, I found the best remedy was cunnilingus. “Um, Daniel,” I said in bed on Saturday evening, “Would you mind just licking my clit.” That shut my brain up fast enough. By Sunday afternoon, my brain was completely fried, tabula rasa stylely. A lot of cunninlingus has that effect on me. I was no longer thinking about being alone but about how comfortable it felt to be with someone who wanted to be with me.
By the time we parted late Sunday afternoon, I think we had both had our fill of each other. I walked down Brick Lane, smiling and sighing.
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Middle-aged single mother and entertainment publicist Suzanne Portnoy leads a double life. Monday to Friday, she’s a professional executive devoted to her two adolescent boys. But at weekends she spends her kid-free hours having sex, with a different man each time. Or multiple men. More »
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Good Reads
The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage
Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage
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Comments
Nice story! I’m a 36 yr old male Personal Trainer (single by choice), just so everyone can create their own mental image of me, lol. I’ve read some of your articles, Suzanne, and no doubt the reason you can make your lifestyle selections work is because you are very much comfortable and secure with yourself and who you are. Its been my experience that most women I meet could never pull it off like you do and make it work for them. I have similar philosophies as you, but with a few differences; I enjoy relationships with women very much, aside from the sexual aspect. In fact, I would say its IMPOSSIBLE to not have some sort of emotional connection with someone you have sex with. If you can, heck just use your favorite toy or whatever and don’t even waste time ‘hooking up’. My big problem is telling someone ‘yes i will love you forever’. Yes, of course you can love someone forever, but is it realistic to attempt to make that person your everything for the rest of your life? It has long been my opinion that this a primary reason for divorce. Marriage is based on a faulty paradigm, and in more cases than not, will fail, and the stats back me up. This comment has become WAY too long, but I’ll comment more. Take care!
I imagine, Suzie, that you are every monoganistic woman’s worst nightmare. Kudos for having the courage to walk your own path. I think you can pretty much expect that most women will NEVER agree with you, but most men will acknowledge there is much truth in what you say.
Sonny’s dead right when he talks about the emotional connection when you sleep with someone.
I also believe there’s a spiritual link-up too.
And Suzanne, those guys who behaved badly with you -they were just selfish and didn’t deserve you.
I love spending days and days with Ruf and Im always sad to have to go home. But I love the build-up to seeing him again, the excitement. You just dont get that when you live with someone full-time and I notice that when I stay for any length of time - the household chores start to get in the way of the sex. I think all partnerships should be like Woody Allen and Mia Farrow with houses on opposite sides of the park and meeting up when you want to be together rather than being compelled to be with each other 24/7 - obviously without the lover sleeping with your daughter bit of course….