Suzanne Portnoy

This afternoon I went on the fastest date in history - 20 mins. start to finish. I know alot of people who use the one hour rule on a first date. I’m not so prescriptive about dating. A good first date can last 24 hours. A bad one should be over as soon as possible. Why postpone the inevitable? Today I knew after the first five or so minutes that my date had no potential - sexual or otherwise, it seemed fairly pointless to order another pot of tea.

A guy asked me the other evening about dealbreakers. Thinking about today’s date there were a few dealbreakers. Firstly, I wasn’t attracted to him. Not at all. He wasn’t the most unattractive guy but he gave off no sexual energy.  There wasn’t even the most remote fizzle.  When he told me his last relationship had ended 3 years ago and he had had one fling since then, I understood why. He seemed unsure of himself, as if he didn’t remember how to date.  Then there was the fact I had to lead the conversation. I can’t remember the last time I met a guy who spoke so little.  Once we got through his recent dating history (v. little), his job (academic) and where he lived, I wanted a rest. Now, at this point, most guys would have wanted to know something about me but this guy didn’t seem too bothered. It seemed time to end the date. I really felt like we had run out of topics for discussion in fifteen minutes.

I finished off my tea and said, ‘I have to go home so I can pay my son’s tutor.’ It seemed as good an excuse as any.

He got up and we walked out the door of the Roundhouse together.

‘So,’ he said. You want to meet again?’  I thought the answer seemed fairly obvious.  The date had lasted twenty minutes.  I said the only thing I could under the circumstances.

‘No,’ I said.

He seemed genuinely surprised and that threw me. ‘Well,’ he said. ‘That was blunt.’

‘You kinda know when people click and we didn’t. What can I say?’ I laughed. ‘I like to meet people from time to time. You never know what is going to happen.’

‘True’ he said. We kissed on both cheeks and I drove off.