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2008
A new podcast has just gone up. You can listen to it here.This week, fellow author and teetotaller Tania Glyde and I talk about the reality of having sex sober. Have you ever thought about the times you’ve had sex and the number of times you’ve been completely straight when you do?
As a woman who has had her share of hard drinking boyfriends, I have many fond memories of drunken nights when I was pinned over the kitchen table or the table tennis table or the sofa or the kitchen worktop, getting royally fucked. One boyfriend had the quite enviable ability to remain hard after 10 martinis. Equally, I’ve been with some AA/NA types with whom I was completely sober all the time. I can’t say that I prefer one over the other although I can live without the hangover that inevitably follows a boozy night out.
Talking about drinking and sex seems to make a lot of men I know nervous. I recall asking a 50 year old lover if he ever had sober sex as we never seemed to. His reply, ‘Probably about ten times in my life.’ He didn’t think that was abnormal and I didn’t want to suggest that perhaps he might have a drink problem.
These days I can count on one hand the number of units I have a month. I’ve never been a great drinker and the older I get, the less I enjoy it. My contemporaries all seem to be heading the same way. It’s no bad thing.
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Middle-aged single mother and entertainment publicist Suzanne Portnoy leads a double life. Monday to Friday, she’s a professional executive devoted to her two adolescent boys. But at weekends she spends her kid-free hours having sex, with a different man each time. Or multiple men. More »
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The Almond: The Sexual Awakening of a Muslim Woman
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Sex by Numbers: Everything You Should Know About Sex and a Few Things You Shouldn’t
Still no hot water. This is rediculous. Can I ask my neighbour to shower at her place again? I'm almost too embarrassed. Guess I'll have to. 2 hrs ago
Comments
I think it’s good to know your limits. I can have great sex after a glass or two of wine; I lose my inhibitions and have fun but if I go one glass to far, that’s it, I’m out for the count. Not fun.
It’s a trade off. While with a few drinks you can literally fuck all night, the sex isnt’ necessarily better. There’s not much sensation. It’s much better without. I’m only 24, but the older I get the less I drink. One reason is that I’m one of those poor poor boys you’ve talked about and alcohol is just another thing that isn’t worth it to waste money on, especially if you don’t need it to enjoy life.
Sober sex is the best sex, for me anyway. Alcohol might loosen inhibitions but it also deadens the senses.
I have had some amazing times when I’ve been off my face on vodka martinis but that was quite a long time ago and I’m not sure that I’d enjoy it that much now. I very rarely come when I’m drunk and usually say so from the start so there’s no disappointment on either side. There’s nothing worse than a guy waiting for something that isn’t going to happen!
Likewise on our side. The orgasm doesn’t always come naturally. Sometimes you have to force it–which isn’t exactly enjoyable either.
Alcohol helps to loosen me up, especially after a long drive so I sometimes do have a glass. But, as has been said, it can also numb the intensity of the feelings involved. The majority of my earliest encounters were fuelled by drink. I think that’s why I appreciate so much the amazing passion of rampant sober sex and the joy of being able to remember it all afterwards.
Everything does seem more vivid when drink isn’t involved, doesn’t it? I think one of the benefits of getting older is being able to lose one’s inhibitions without needing to be smashed.
Well, I can hold my drinking very well, and can safely say that sober or not I have had amazing time having wild sex….and I did remember it all (with very few expetions). To prove the opposite: I had a english boyfriend for many years, we ALWAYS met after he had been driking for a while, went clubbing and more drinking till at least 3am…back to his place and the man NEVER EVER failed to deliver!!! and good!!! Recently had sober sex with the current boyfriend…early morning …all fresh….guess what? He did not deliver….well, after a certain effort (mine)…so it all has to do with whom really.
I used to get drunk in order to relax enough for sex, but the very rare times i drink now remind me how much i prefer to be sober and relish every moment - the confidence of age, as you say.
I took your book on a long flight recently, Suzanne, and i was totally engrossed. Thank you.