Suzanne Portnoy

I can’t remember when it was that I first discovered porn. Thinking back, way, way back, it was probably in college, around 1982. I had a boyfriend who was a part-time male model and a full-time horny bastard. He looked like a young Richard Gere but he was not particularly bright. He used to say things like, ‘Do you mind if I take my pants off. They’re really itchy.’ Of course I didn’t mind and would tell him so. He had a terrible voice but a great body. I preferred him naked as usually then he was quiet.

Because he was not very bright I was not very attached to him. He liked to tell me about picking up strippers from clubs on Route 95 and I’d tell him about some guy on campus I’d shagged and then we’d fuck each other’s brains out. Looking back, I can see I was a pretty rare creature for a twenty-one year old but I just thought, ‘If he can do it, so can I.’

One day he suggested we go to the local XXX cinema that was in the next state. I hopped in his Jeep Cherokee (another reason I liked him) and we drove over the border until we came to a single story building. There we watched a couple of movies. One might have been ‘Behind the Green Door.’ I remember getting very wet and turned on but, because he was such an arrogant guy, I pretended that the movies had no effect on me. So when he said, ‘Did that turn you on?’ I replied, ‘No, not really.’ Then we went back to my dorm room and fucked our brains out.

Fast forward a year or two and I’m in some guy’s flat in North London watching porn movies on his TV and he was asking the same question as the guy at uni but I didn’t fancy him and, once again, I pretended that I wasn’t aroused. That afternoon I went home and had my own private orgasm.

A few years after that I got married. When our sex life stalled, I suggested to my husband that he go out and buy some porn. He said, ‘You’re really sick.’ We didn’t have sex much after that.

Then around my divorce I met a guy who loved porn and we used to sit and watch hours of the stuff on a TV/VHS combo bolted into the wall above our bed in some cheap motel. I’d come so hard and so fast it was almost embarrassing.

Now, because of the internet, I can watch porn as and when I want. I’m not sure that’s such a good thing. In fact, sometimes I wish I still had to go to that XXX cinema to get my porn fix. I’ve gone through phases of being so into it that after a week or two of daily porn viewing, it has taken me 30 minutes to come, I’m so desensitised to what I’m watching.

I guess it’s what happens to guys who watch too much and then need certain triggers to orgasm. I actually find the normal triggers just stop working. Day 1 I’ll be watching a gang bang and come in 3 minutes. Day 2 the same video will take me 10 minutes and by Day 3 the batteries have worn out on my vibrator before I’m going to have an orgasm. Then I’ll move on to something a bit more niche like prostate massage and the same thing will happen. Day 1 it’s all over in a minute. Day 2 it’s slightly longer and by Day 3 I can forget coming until the following day. When that happens, I just have to shut it all down and go through a period of porn abstinence.

This week, following a pretty full-on sex session last Saturday night with my regular lover that left me feeling satiated, I decided to shut my pussy down for a week just to recharge my batteries. No masturbation, no porn, no nothing. I wanted to get myself back to the point where I could actually just think about my lover’s cock fucking me and that would get me off. No freaky porn type fantasies. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the real basic vanilla stuff. Getting fucked by a guy I like with a big, beautiful cock.

This morning, when I woke up, I looked at the clock. It read 6.00am and I didn’t have to be anywhere for another hour. I felt horny in a way that I hadn’t since last weekend. I took out my vibrator and imagined my lover telling me to take his cock deeper in my mouth. Then the feeling as I gagged and my pussy clenched around him. Him moaning as he felt the contraction. Eighteen minutes later I let out a small groan myself as I tried to stifle the sound I desperately wanted to make as the most fantastic orgasm built up inside me. It was a great feeling knowing I got my mojo back.