Suzanne Portnoy

The sun finally came out this weekend although most of the time I was indoors.  We had a big family celebration that necessitated trips back and forth to the local synagogue, partying, spending too much money and having to find dresses that made me look like a mum and not a MILF.  ’Gosh, I almost didn’t recognise you,’ said one friend.  ’So many personas.  I’ve never seen this one.

”You mean the proud Jewish mother persona?’ I said.  ’Yes, I do it from time to time.

‘The next night I was back in my cleavage spilling dress.  

‘Oh, and is this the 1950’s pervy housewife look?’ said the same friend.

‘Yes,’ I said.  ’It’s meant to be ironic.’

‘You could park a car in there,’ said another friend starring at my breasts.  It was a good night.  There was drinking and eating and lots of talking.  I don’t need much more to make me happy, except a decent guy with a decent sized cock from time to time.

Today I went up to the Heath, passing the infamous cottaging spot where George Michael was caught a few years ago.  It was full of semi-naked gay men lying in the tall grass, eyeing each other up.  I’ve been a big fan of gay porn for years and the MMF threesome is my favourite thing to do so I was kind of hoping I might be able to spot something going on in the dense forest next to the grassy spot where the guys were hanging out.  As I walked along the path, I starred into the woodland but I couldn’t see any action.  I let my mind wander fantasising about guys sucking each other off in the bright sunlight.

There were lots of couples walking around the Heath.  None of them looked particularly happy.  Rarely do I see a couple and think, ‘I wish I could be someone’s partner.’  Mainly I think, ‘Thank heavens I’m single.’  I sometimes feel like an invisible alien who has come to Earth and has been asked to observe and report back to the Mother Ship.  I would report back that the Earthlings seem a miserable group of people.  Then I stopped in Kurt Geiger shoes, looked at all the fabulous new sky high sandals for summer and wished for a few seconds that I had a rich boyfriend to buy me a pair of new shoes to add to my 57 other pairs.  It was a very brief moment of madness in an otherwise perfect weekend.