Suzanne Portnoy

Jeez, you are gagging to meet a guy and settle down arent you? You make a big play of how free and laid back you are and how you love your independence and no strings fucks at Rios but it seems you are desperate to find a partner. I’m not saying you want monogamy, but it definitely seems you want a relationship - even if it is a swinging one (nothing wrong with that). Look at the tizz you’ve got yourself in over this Mark (that was his name in the book IIRC) - wondering if he’ll call, wondering when you’ll see him…..there’s nothing wrong with wanting a partner Suzanne, but your constant protesting just makes you sound more desperate every time you get all excited when a guy doesnt want to go home within 5 minutes of cumming.

Sure, why not? I’m not a fridge. Ever heard of PMT?

Hello Suzanne, Can I offer some well meant advice?

See it from his perspective. This man didn’t plan to start a ‘relationship’ of any sort with you. He just bumped into you at Rios and you had casual sex. It was obviously good sex and it felt intimate to you, great. But out of that you are already inventing a ‘relationship’ where you are pissed off because the guy doesn’t call for a few days and construct a story to console yourself about him having ‘communication issues’.

You are making schoolgirl errors here. Every woman in her twenties knows men don’t have ‘communication issues’! That’s what guys say to be kind to a women that they aren’t really interested in. The busiest man in the world will MAKE the time to call you every day if he likes you because calling you will be the highlight of his busy day.

So this particular man doesn’t call for a couple of days after casual sex at a sauna, so what? Could be a million things. He may be taking a bit of time to see if he misses you, he may be totally disinterested, he may be very interested but playing it cool.

If he likes you he’ll call. If he doesn’t he won’t. Simple. Appearing all desperate, needy and clingy won’t make him like you more and will probably put him right off. You present yourself as a casual shag at Rios but then expect the man to switch gear and think of you as a partner of some sort after three days. He’s probably quite confused. He wanted no strings sex and suddenly he’s got a woman hassling him to call.

Let him go at his own pace. If he likes you he’ll let you know. If not, Next!
Commiserations on the PMT.

Yeh, you’re absolutely right, all of you. I’m behaving like a completely silly, stupid chick. It happens. I have this one very specific type lookswise and every time I meet one of them (about once every few years), I go into gaga mode. My kids even recognise them - they could be identikit guys. It’s pathetic but then I’m not perfect. I doubt he’s confused, just not interested! NEXT!!!

I do enjoy my wrist getting slapped by all of you. On this occasion, it’s absolutely deserved.

Suzanne, Any comments above aren’t meant to critisise but telling you to wise up. Keep seeing this guy any time you want , just don’t take it SERIOIUS, as a previous blogger says, if you meet at a sex club they are not looking for the future partner. You’ve got a strong backbone so you will get over it and move on……shit happens….

Ian, Thanks for that. I enjoy the comments. And since I’m being honest (which I try to be) I have to admit that my feelings for this guy just didn’t jar with the reality of the situation. It’s not just that shit happens but certain shit happens from time to time and just throws me back to an ancient, uncomfortable part of my brain. Chatting with my gorgeous friend Selina Fire, I realised that in fact this guy and all the other identikit tall, slim and highly unsuitable guys I sometimes fancy are in fact similar to my first boyfriend. As I said to Selina, it’s like I know that I’m behaving completely out of character but there’s a very old part of my brain that obviously recognises something familiar about the situation and starts to reconnect those old neural pathways. There’s a certain comfort in being uncomfortable, if that makes any sense. Thankfully, through the wonders of this blog and my own common sense, I’m able to snap out of the fantasy in a matter of days rather than months. But, yeh, shit happens! As Selina said most people out there repeat their relationship mistakes over and over. It’s only a very few who can stop the pathways from reconnecting somewhere old and create a different path entirely. I like to think I’m doing pretty well most of the time - but, like everyone else, occasionally I flounder. You can all stop beating me up now!

I didnt mean to start a lets-criticise-Suzanne session. Like you say at least you have the balls (boobs?) to admit what is happening….just tell us more about the sex!

Suzanne, I think that with age comes experience, and honestly it’s a bit incredible that you meet a guy at Rio’s and can seriously think that it could become something.
Expected that the guy calls, complain about it is simple a teenager behaviour.
BBW is totally spot on, even the most busy men calls whe they like you, if they don’t, it’s because they are not interested. I had lots of men that were not that good at communication, but they called, they texted, they keept the relationship going somehow. The ones that did not call, were not interested in me at all.
I had a serious crush few years ago, met this guy at the local, he was a friend of a friend, we flirted for 8 month, one day we all manage to go out and we made out, he called, texted, etc. We finally had a great day a week or so later, really a great date. Guess what? He never called again. I met this man through friends and it turned out like that. HE WAS NOT INTERESTED, what he was interested was a shag, he got it, and the was the end of it for him. Needless to say that a shag in Rio’s would hardly lead to a relationship. Do you know any?
Like Goerge, not trying to put you down. But again, and again, and again you come across like you are in NEED of a relationship. It’s nothing wrong with that, just not point to deny.

So….BBW is obviously I guy with issues….and probably not much fun in bed. HELLO??? Suzanne is hardly anybody’s stalker!! Bloody hell…the guy was lucky to get her attention…for the time that he had it…his loss if he doesnt want to know after!!!
Suzanne…yeah, we all have issues, but some of these responses…well….lets just say if the authors are EVER lucky enough to meet up with someone like you, they probably dont deserve it. You go girl!

He just called and apologised for being a flake. We’re meeting on Saturday.

And that, everyone, is THAT! Move on, next. More sex stories to come…

I’m glad for you that he has, and i think you may have just put him in perspective before it happens, and you will be taking it step at a time.
And i may never be lucky enough to ever meet you but…shit happens…Enjoy yourself on Saturday…

Can I just say one final thing to justme please.
justme - I am not a man, I am a woman in my sixties. BBW (Big Beautiful Woman). My comment was forthright but constructive and was received as such. Suzanne already said that she enjoyed the comment and explained her take on the situation fully.
There is no need for you to subsequently attack my character nor comment or my sexuality.

BBW - I agree with you. I appreciated your comments. Harsh but fair!
Valerie - You never know where you are going to meet someone that might eventually end up being someone special. My very first date with my swinging partner was almost four years ago, at Rios, and we’re still having fun. Sure, it’s never going to be anything more than what it is, but it’s still a relationship of a sort.
Ian - So right. Sometimes it’s good to have a few days to process one’s feelings just to get some perspective.
All the comments were valid but ultimately I think the guy was exactly as I thought in my original post - a bit of a flake! Roll on Saturday.

Suzanne, a relationship of a sort, is just a relationship of a sort.
Sure we can meet a guy in a club and it can become a sort of relationship, a fuck relationship most likely. In that case we cannot complain, expect that it will be more that that or say it’s flake or not. It’s to be what it’s.
Have fun on saturday, expect nothing than good sex!

Sorry, I don’t agree. I’ve had friends that have fallen in love after starting off as fuck buddies. Friends that have gone from being mistresses to live-in girlfriends. I don’t think you can be so prescriptive about relationships. I never rule out that one day anyone in my life might become someone more special. I think all you can do is take each day and each person as they come with no expectations for the future. It’s natural to be project every once in a while, but ultimately, not very healthy.

Suzanne, indeed there are FEW expections ,however, I think they are far and few between. I would not call fucking someone in Rio’s a fuck buddy, would it be a chance fuck? In my view a fuck buddy also has some kind of intimacy and I think we tend to like them a bit (in some sort or way), a mistress can become a girlfriend and even a wife…how many times it happens…not much I would think, and there’s the element of feelings there too.Anyway, I might have learnt to expect very little of certain situations, we are all women, and there’s a tendency to project things I suppose…

I don’t know. Generally, the men I meet in Rios are guys I’ve known for years. I think of them as friends, even if we only meet there. It’s more of a social club than a sex club. Unless you’ve spent some time there, I think it’s hard to understand.

I have come in at the tail end of this discussion so i am not going to repeat what anybody else has already said. What i will say again though is that i like this site for its content(Thank you Suzanne) and its users (everybody) adding comments and keeping it up to date with sensible grown up discussion. Keep up the good work

Thanks Richard. Always glad for the compliments! Keep reading.