Suzanne Portnoy

A friend of mine told me once that she thought that a relationship should have a expire date of 5 years. After 5 years it should finish and we should move on. I am not sure about the 5 years, maybe 7 or 8, but most relationships get to a point that it get boring and we want some excitement. An open relationship can be good, and can give a few extra years to it, but most people (men and women) eventually want something else (I believe that even you, based on the many comments you made here in the blog), eventually we will meet someone that will press the buttons in a way that others did not.
I have met men were married and just wanted fun, one ended up so in love with me that he was nearly stalking me, I doubt he wanted to feel that way, he was happy with his home situation, but shit happens.
I think my friend was right, the 5 years expire date should apply!

I don’t know. Based on Jenny’s book and couples I have met on the swinging scene, I think you can meet someone with whom you might want to be with for the rest of your life. I think what’s unrealistic is to have the ‘one size fits all’ approach. I could certainly see myself in a relationship at some point with someone with whom I have a deep connection and really gets me and makes me laugh. None of this has anything to do with sexual fidelity. I have met so many people who have long relationships but play together with other people or let their partners go and play on their own. I don’t believe anymore that relationships need to be so prescriptive. By my age, it’s more about being with someone with whom we can just be who we are, flaws and all. Jenny’s book is inspirational and I would suggest that you might enjoy reading it.

I agree with you, I can see myself like with someone for the rest of my life, but I guess it came with maturity and the fact that I have been there and got lots of t-shirts. Marrying young usually is a mistake, perhaps we should get married when we are more mature? I have met swingers that have had a relationship for decades, I think it can work better than a vanila relationship most of the times.
I could not be with someone that does not accept who I am, what you see is what you get! I laugh when I see younger girls playing games…I am so glad I am over that.
I might get the book.

> I could certainly see myself in a relationship at some point with someone with whom I have a deep connection and really gets me and makes me laugh. None of this has anything to do with sexual fidelity.

Do you think it is possible? i hope so. I have a husband who makes me laugh with joy, yet neither of us are complete, sexually, as just a couple. We are having the conversations .. i need to read that book.

I not only think it’s possible, I know it’s possible. Over the past seven years I’ve been lucky enough to meet quite a few long-term couples in open relationships and they are more together, more connected than your ‘average’ couple in a traditional relationship. Jenny’s book acknowledges that such relationships rely on trust and honesty and that it isn’t always easy but I admire the way she has transitioned her traditional relationship into an open one. Read the book!

Carnalis, I think it’s possible, especially after few years when the heat has gone down considerably, however it is not probably “easy”!

If you decide on a open relationship with others, and enjoy the sex better than with your usual partner, would this not affect the sex between your usual partner and might you not want to see the better sex partner more for sex than your own partner, or am i missing something. Iv’e not read the book either but if you love your partner then you love them but if you don’t then you will seek others by whatever way you can, and having a poly type relationship must affect the structure of your relationship. Can you have a open relationship when you have children living with you and how is that fair on them and you not just being selfish. There is so many questions that we could think of but if you want single life sex then stay single…….

Jenny’s relationship started out in the traditional way. She was monogamous and happy that way but, like so often happens, after a while the sex became quite predictable. Whilst still loving her husband, she recognised that they had entirely different sex drives and she missed that first date feeling. The love she has for her female partner is a different kind of love as she explains it in the book. I think the concept that we can find everything in one person is wonderful in principle but virtually impossible in practise. Jenny makes the point that why is it that we can have all different kinds of friends with whom we enjoy doing all different sorts of things but expect our partner to fulfill all our wants. I don’t see that couples in poly relationships are any less in love than those in traditional relationships. Read the book!

Ian has some valid points there. I would not to like to see the man that I love enjoying sex more with someone else than me, for me the whole idea is to spice things up, not to take me or him from boredom. If a couple have a poly relationship and they enjoy sex more with others than with each other, their days are counted I think. Is not that the case of Jenny? I wonder…