Suzanne Portnoy

(I don’t do ‘pithy’, so don’t bother slapping my wrist here.)

I have enormous skepticism when someone’s talking about diet and fitness, because my life is grounded in these pursuits. Normally, there’s an agenda behind any “expert’s” wisdom. Something to be sold. So my Spidey-sense went ballistic when I was reading this article. Because really, it’s fluff. With an agenda.

Here’s the basic truth about men: we’re animals. Therefore, animalistic instincts kick in when we’re in ‘prowl’ mode. When we’re ‘looking for a mate’. (And I don’t mean that as in ’searching for a pal down at the local pub’.) But the columnist has made it all so much more complicated…because, lo and behold, he’s got a book to sell.

Now, when it comes to attraction (’what guys notice’) what ‘does it’ for one man can be entirely different than what does it for another. So it’s dangerous to come up with lists. However, I will limit my comments to two observations.

1) The author seems to conflate two processes: the initial, visual aspects of attraction, and what happens once you’ve met her. (And in many ways, the first process is very much affected by the second..which I’ll deal with in a moment.) Men are visual creatures. That’s never gonna change. Our value systems, our trigger points are different from women’s, end of discussion. As for what guys notice… Well, aside from the kinds of faux pas that are obvious…other than to the person making them…just about everything goes…at least to a far greater extent than the author is willing to admit (but then, he’s got a product to sell)…as long as my second observation is understood.

2) What matters most in a woman’s attractiveness? Her sense of self. I’m not talking about a catwalk strut or an in-your-face assertiveness. (Again, there are no ‘rules’ here; one man’s meat is another man’s murder.) When there’s a vibrancy coming from a woman, when she feels GREAT in her skin, when she’s got her own brand of ‘oomph’ going on…what she’s wearing is almost a non-issue. Why? Because someone who’s ‘in her Zone’ can wear crap and still be extraordinarily alluring.

So. It’s not the dress. It’s not the shoes. It’s not the hair, the makeup, yadda, yadda, yadda. It’s the WOMAN. But this concept won’t be popular, because nothing is being sold. You can’t order a product to own what I’m talking about.

Unless of course, I write a book: ‘How to Become The Most Amazing You Possible…And Have the Man (And The Life) You Want’.

Absolutely but, you know, speaking as a woman who loves to wear dresses and heels and feminine clothes, it all contributes to making me feel confident and sexy. And, you’re right, you can be sexy wearing just about anything (and lord knows that sometimes my kids tell me I look crap when I feel great) but high heels given you a different posture, skirts accentuate legs, foundation garments pull it all together. So, there’s certain things that we can do as women to make it easier to attract men but ultimately at the end of the day, it’s all about confidence and a certain va va voom! Thanks for writing. Finally, yes, the guy does have a book to sell so we can take everything he says with a pinch of salt.

Hey, Suzanne…

Clearly, if what a woman wears works for her confidence-wise, if it makes her feel a more desirable version of herself…then that’s all that matters. But the article is called ‘What Guys Notice’, as if there’s a checklist to somehow make it more likely that men will notice you. (When in fact, if you don’t feel ‘on’, what you’re wearing won’t matter a damn once you’re in ’sales negotiation’ mode.)

Curious: First, how much thought do YOU give to what guys might notice about you? And second, how do you reconcile all this with the idea that women don’t dress for men, they dress for each other? (MEOW!)

I actually just put on what makes ME feel good. I don’t give a toss what anyone else thinks.

Men are visual and as mentioned above we look for certain things when looking for a mate. Proportionate is right, what works for a man does not work for another, you of all people should know that, you write about yourself as you are a size 10 sex goddess. After reading your blog for a while, I thought you were this amazing gorgeous woman, when i finally met you, I just thought you were a middle age woman, fat and not attractive at all. But for what you write there are men out there willing to fuck you, God knows how they look like, but lets face you are not Sharon Stone.
That picture with the wig…you look like an ugly transexual.

I know. I hate that picture myself. Actually, let’s get it right I look like an ugly, Turkish transsexual. Like I said, there is someone for everyone but let’s face it, the more in proportion a woman is, the more chances she has of being noticed. And what we’re talking about here isn’t what makes one woman ultimately more desireable to men than the other but what men notice from the offset. There’s a huge difference. This isn’t a male put down post this is merely stating the obvious which is that guys are visual creatures. Doh! As for saying I make out that I’m a sex goddess, that’s just blatantly untrue. If you had bothered to read either of my books, you’d have realised that I’ve always been very honest about my appearance. I’ve never said I looked like a supermodel, quite the opposite. But sex blogs being what they are, most readers draw their own picture of me, hence the reason I don’t go out of my way to engage with men that write to me. Even if you read my books from cover to cover, you’d still imagine me as the woman you’d like me to be and not who I really am. Oh, but thanks for the huge vote of confidence. Really cheered me up on this rainy Saturday afternoon.

way to go suzanne.

It’s a cliche I know, but inner confidence really does contribute to how sexy you feel / come across. If you’re strutting down the street with your head up and your hips a-wigglin’, you could be wearing jeans and sneakers and you’d still look like the sexiest woman in town.

And Harry - what a charmer you are.

…actually I think you look great in that wig…

Thanks.