Suzanne Portnoy

One of the outcomes of being a popular sex blogger and writer is that PR people have begun to market sex toys and sex related products to me. Being a PR person myself, I am torn between wanting to help their client and score them brownie points or simply accept the gift and do nothing. I view this blog as my secret space and even though I am fully aware that people read it and that I post pictures to attract attention, I think of it as my diary and notebook. It’s the place where I record my thoughts and the events in my life. From time to time I like to read back on something that happened a year or two ago. Occasionally I cringe at some of my past behaviour. Other times it makes me horny and sometimes I just feel sad. It’s really not a place where I want to advertise stuff or promote other company’s products, unless it happens to directly relate to an incident in my life and it makes sense.

Nevertheless, ever since I was given the really terrific Lelo Gigi by Jo Divine, I have had two or three companies approach me about reviewing their products and in truth I’ve used my name to get stuff for free too (look out for a review of male masturbation devices). Maybe I should charge for the service or maybe I should stick to the two drawers of products I have and leave it at that. As my youngest son said to me the other day when he opened up one of the drawers trying to find some AA batteries, ‘How many sex toys do you need? What do you do with all this stuff?’

‘People give me them,’ I said. ‘It’s not my choice. Did you find the batteries?’

This leads me onto my latest gift, Durex Play O gel. In truth, I’m not a big fan of putting chemicals on my clit. I use water based lube from time to time and that’s about it. The idea of a gel that helps me to have an orgasm is not all that appealing to me. I have orgasms. I learned a few years ago that I’ll come when my body wants me to come. It can take me 5 minutes or 50 minutes. It really doesn’t matter to me. A tantric teacher called Jahnet de Light once told me I was an orgasm chaser and encouraged me to just let it happen naturally without having to try so hard. Sure enough, once I learned to stop thinking and start tuning in to the other person’s rhythm, I came. Of course, I have had many lovers that just want to come and don’t really care much about whether I do or not and usually they come first and I don’t come at all. It doesn’t mean it hasn’t been fun but I haven’t had an orgasm either. Most of those selfish guys aren’t around anymore. So what I’m saying is that the Play O gel isn’t really something I would buy. It’s not aimed at me - a woman of experience who is happy with how and when I orgasm.

At the same time I know that many women are concerned about their orgasms. There is a common figure bandied around that 60% of all women can’t orgasm from penetrative sex. I have friends who have never had orgasms and friends who find it difficult to come. So, in the name of research, I decided to give the Play O gel a go. It was last Tuesday morning and I was expecting Sam, my breakfast guy, to come around and fuck me hard. We hadn’t seen each other since the summer and I was looking forward to his big, beautiful, black cock in my pussy as he fucked me over a chair. We never have more than 45 minutes together and I thought the gel might come in handy.

It was 7.55am and Sam was expected at 8am. I applied the gel to my clit and very quickly it went cold. This freaked me out. I’m not used to a cold clit. It felt as if someone had brushed their teeth with a mentholated toothpaste and then licked my clit. It was not the most unpleasant sensation but it was not great either and I worried about what kind of chemicals I was applying to the most delicate part of my body. I turned on my pocket rocket vibrator and applied it to my clit. By now it was 7.58 and I knew Sam might turn up any minute. Then the phone bleeped and it was a message from Sam. He was stuck in traffic and was going to be late, very late. I texted him, ‘I can wait. I’ll be very wet when you arrive.’

I went back to work on my clit and I felt like I had to come. But I didn’t want to come. Not yet. Not in five minutes so I put down the vibrator and waited a bit and then started on my clit again and again I felt like I had to come. Now I suppose if you have a hard time having orgasms then having a 5 minute orgasm is great but I didn’t want to come. For the next ten minutes I played a silly game with my vibrator where I put it on my clit, felt like coming, put it down again, rested and started all over. Eventually the gel wore off and Sam arrived, fucking me with his long, hard cock over a chair, while I was seated in the chair and in bed, before finally shooting his spunk all over my back. I had come earlier, naturally, while he was pumping me hard from behind and I had my vibe on my clit. It was horny for both of us.

Well, there you go. Is this a review? Will Durex be happy with this one? I don’t know. If you are a woman that finds it hard to come, the Play O gel could help you to achieve an orgasm. That is, of course, if you can get over the frozen clit part. As for me, I’ll be sticking to what I know. Thanks to the lovely Katie Griffiths, Senior Account Executive at McCanns for giving me the gel. Now you have something to put in your PR report.