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2009
Press Send
‘I could happily have a relationship that consists of nothing more than a few text messages a day,’ I said the other day.
What was I thinking?
It’s true. I have had so called relationships that have existed purely between mobile phones. Were they happy relationships? I’m not so sure. Looking back, I remember being happy for a week or two. I remember liking the attention. I liked being temporarily diverted from whatever I was doing. I liked thinking that someone was thinking about me. I liked not having to worry about my kids snooping in on a telephone conversation or of having to create much space in my life for someone new.
But after a few days and often weeks of nothing but texting, I remember feeling disorientated and a bit pissed off. I started to feel that I was nothing more than cheap wank fodder. That what I wanted to hear was a real voice or feel a real person’s touch, something, anything to connect me to the person at the end of the phone. In one particular relationship, when our texts and instant messaging had gone on for months, I actually deleted the guy from my phone when he couldn’t commit to a date to meet. Here was a guy that only lived an hour or two away and yet couldn’t find a space in his diary for me, even though he managed to find two hours a day to masturbate on instant messager.
I know some women find the whole text message relationship thing a big cop out. ‘It’s for guys that are lazy,’ my friend Angelika said to me last night. ‘It’s a way of avoiding real communication.’
I’m not so sure that text messaging is about avoidance, just as I’m not so sure I’m not blame when I end up in a text message relationship. Men are so bloody literal. I mean, how many guys might think that by saying that I could have entire relationships by text message that I meant that I wanted one. The truth is that I don’t want one, just as I don’t want to spend 2 hours a night on the phone either. What I would like is a bit of a balance. A phone call now and then, a shag two or three times a month, text messaging in between. Doesn’t sound too unreasonable, does it?
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Middle-aged single mother and entertainment publicist Suzanne Portnoy leads a double life. Monday to Friday, she’s a professional executive devoted to her two adolescent boys. But at weekends she spends her kid-free hours having sex, with a different man each time. Or multiple men. More »
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The Alchemy of Desire
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She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
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Comments
Not unreasonable at all.
So why do you figure this is such an issue?
What is it about modern life…or maybe it’s not about modern life at all, which means it’s even more odious an issue…that prevents people (men, in this instance) from lining things up in a row and doing the obvious thing?
Beats me but I end up in this situation far too frequently.
I’ve had a text-based relationship with someone for about eight years.
It’s very strange, because over the course of thousands of texts (and the odd phonecall) she is the only person I’ve ever truly confided in and, yes, I’d say I was in love with her.
Situations aren’t ideal, however, and we’re just not going to meet. Which is a shame.
I do admit to being an irrational texter… if someone doesn’t reply within the hour, I panic!
You’d hate me!
L: You’re right. Eight years of text messaging is nuts.
If someone wants to be known as L, why are you calling them Andrew.
Eight years of texting someone it is not gonna work with is madness, you should move on….
If the text leads to a phone call that leads to a shag then that is great but just pointless if it is constant texting only…
Ian: Sorry, well, spotted, I have corrected my comment.
8 years of text messaging. Sheesh. That really goes beyond my three week rule. Suzanne, I’m glad you reminded me of my three-week rule. The next time I get a text messages from one of these guys who have been text messaging me for months, I’m just gonna say, sorry, no!
Anjelika xx
Perhaps I mis-represented my text relationship…. we’ve texted one another, sent photos, called, webcam’d… but whenever a meeting is mentioned events have consipred against us and now we’re just kind of… drifting apart. It’s quite sad, in the ‘awwwwww’ sense rather than ‘pathetic’.
But I would say that.
Nice to know that I am in your subconscious thoughts Suzzane LOL.
In my limited experience, i found that women only ever contacted me if they wanted something. I myself am guilty of doing the same thing. I have no problems with this and it works well for me. Off course there are those that you meet and get along with and build up a relationship outside of sex but these types of relationships are few and far between.